We are fragile, but He is not

I just read "What do if you wake up feeling fragile", a short article by John Piper. Don't you feel this way sometimes? I didn't wake up this way today but felt like that some minutes ago. This is for me, but maybe it's for you too.

There are mornings when I wake up feeling fragile. Vulnerable. It’s often vague. No single threat. No one weakness. Just an amorphous sense that something is going to go wrong and I will be responsible. ...
Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run to a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise.
Here’s an example. This is recent. I woke up feeling emotionally fragile. Weak. Vulnerable. I prayed: “Lord help me. I’m not even sure how to pray.”
An hour later I was reading in Zechariah, seeking the help I had cried out for. It came. The prophet heard great news from an angel about Jerusalem:
Jerusalem shall be inhabited as villages without walls, because of the multitude of people and livestock in it. And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst. (Zechariah 2:4–5)
There will be such prosperity and growth for the people of God that Jerusalem will not be able to be walled in any more. “The multitude of people and livestock” will be so many that Jerusalem will be like many villages spreading out across the land without walls.
But walls are necessary! They are the security against lawless hordes and enemy armies. Villages are fragile, weak, vulnerable. Prosperity is nice, but what about protection?
To which God says in Zechariah 2:5, “I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord.” Yes. That’s it. That is the promise. The “I will” of God. That is what I need. And if it is true for the vulnerable villages of Jerusalem, it is true for me a child of God. God will be a “wall of fire all around me.” Yes. He will. He has been. And he will be.
And it gets better. Inside that fiery wall of protection he says, “And I will be the glory in her midst.” God is never content to give us the protection of his fire; he will give us pleasure of his presence.
This was sweet to me. This carried me for days. ...
This has been my deliverance every time since I was first marking my King James Bible at age 15. God has rescued me with cries for help and concrete promises. This time he said: “I will be to her a wall of fire all around, and I will be the glory in her midst.”
Cry out to him. Then ransack the Bible for his appointed promise. We are fragile. But he is not.

The list

I held a list of things to do for Jesus and was so excited because I knew they'd make Him very happy! Only one day passed by and I had added more things to the list, "there's WORLDS of things to do for Him!" Another day passed by, and more were added.  Soon ... I dreaded the list. 

I wanted to do what was in it, with all my heart. But it was just so long that even starting was disheartening. "One at a time" I'd tell myself but, "What is one thing in an infinite list? How can that make a difference?" I retorted. "I'll do it anyway. It's for Him" 

Then He caught me in my busy thinking, planning, wondering how on Earth I'll be able to do even a few of those things on top of everything else.

"Oh, hi", my words seemed awkward. He was bold, confident, the God-Man I love...and so tender. He told me that living for Him is not about how much I can do for Him but about being with Him. He silenced my heart.

I pray that these words in His mouth keep changing me, my thinking, my actions so that in the end I know that I fought, not to do everything I wanted to do, but just that One thing. The one that's needful (Luke 10:42).

Forget about the looks of it

I need to stop worrying about the appearance of my tree, about what people will think of it. And I need to start caring more about lovingly rooting myself in Your ground, soaking in Your soil, absorbing Your essence, going deeper and deeper and forgetting about what's out there for all to see. Because I'm busy going deeper, and deeper. In the dark, where no one sees, where You are, just You and me.

"Jesus showed me that one day", I told my honey one weekend night. And he and I are on the same page. "Sometimes we want it to be this big, leafy, beautiful tree to see....and to show off, but Jesus knows that it's the unseen by others, where our heart is, that counts." "Yes!" I answered, and on we talked into the night. 

These 2012 days

Jesus, thank you for these 365 days you gave me, all heavily laden with gifts! They overflow! Some days stand out more than others, but each was a gift planned in love. Thank you.

Thank you for those first minutes of 2012 which Kevin and I spent praying for each other through a Skype call.

Thank you for the renewing, fun days I spent at the beach with Sandy and her family, with a couple of veteran missionaries as our hosts.

Thank you for each hour I spent in my classroom and in conference halls with my classmates and teachers, discussing, working, learning. Thank you that I will never stop learning a language, about translating or how to teach a foreign tongue. Thank you that through Your power this always gets better! Thank you that at the end of 2012 it’s been 2 years and a half of study and preparation for the work to come, with a year and a half left.

Thank you for the missionary events that I was able to attend this year, first for Easter in Puerto Vallarta and later for the Cervantino festival in Guanajuato. Thank you for every person who was touched by your love in some way, thank you for the camaraderie among the attendees, friends that I admire. And thank you so much for putting my best mate at my side, my sweetheart, uniting us to share Your light, loving us through each other, and giving us unforgettable experiences together.

Thank you for the days when I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing and how you never failed to give me the answers I needed as I ran to you.

Thank you for the days when you opened me up and poured your healing balm upon the corners of my heart that needed it, washing much away. 

Thank you for the days that had experiences in them that made me discover a lot more about myself, the good and the bad. Even if I do gulp, thank you for helping me to talk face to face with the ugly side of me that I rather hide. 

Thank you for each day of living with my family, who've seen the best and the worst of me and love me heaps. Thank you that through them you teach me to love more. Thank you for blessing me with their presence, and thank you for the spice their different personalities bring to my life...as well as different moods -chuckles-

Thank you for the days that felt really ordinary, just my routine. But like what Christmas got me thinking..."Weren’t the most glorious songs heard by men and sung to announce the King’s birth, somewhat routine-like? If we looked at a song in a very cold way, don’t things have to be present twice, thrice, more times to sound melodious? Jesus is making a song out of our routine days that will surprise us!" Mostly because we're not expecting anything grand from a string of routine days, but thank you so much for using ordinary things to make something beautiful. 

My life wouldn't be what it is today if it weren't for these days. Thank you for working behind the scenes, thank you for sending your angels to aid me, encourage me, move me forward. Thank you for coming to me and letting me know how crazy you are about me. 

Thank you for the days I had a cough or a stomach ache and the tons of days you kept me healthy and well. 

Thank you for the times you gave me the desires of my heart, like those two amazing months with Kevin. And thank you for the times I felt as if I didn't have enough air and fought back tears because you were doing the opposite of what my heart wished for, apparently. And I say apparently because I know you care too much for my desires to do anything without considering them, so thank you for looking beyond them to what was really necessary and best for my life. 

Thank you for the days I felt alone and friendless. Thank you for how you never failed to remind me of what a great Friend I have in you, more than that really, and the many friends and loved ones I actually have. Thank you for helping me see who I had around me instead of who I didn't. Thank you for how this brought me closer to You.

Thank you for providing my loved ones and I with everything we've needed. Thank you for the days in which I worked, because you put the people and the means in place, and was able to have funds to contribute to things and funds to keep. Thank you for owning the cattle on a thousand hills! This world belongs to You! I belong to You! 

Thank you for the family reunion I had and the one Kevin had. Thank you for taking my family all the way to the south of the country and bringing Kevin's family members from across the globe for Christmastime. 

Thank you for giving me every second, every moment, every breath of this past year and for spending it with me. I love you Emmanuel! God with us. Thank you for surely being with me always, even unto the end of the world (Matthew 28:20)

Wearing Christmas Spirit

December 22nd, two days till Christmas. My family and I are in Mérida, the city where we lived six years ago and where most of our larger family lives. We've spent four days with our aunts, cousins and grandparents, so much to catch up on. Christmas lights illuminate streets and bridges, buildings and parks. This afternoon we went ice skating in a mall's ice ring, which is quite a feat when being so near the equator. I enjoyed it completely, particularly once I had gotten the hang of it, feeling like I was gonna slip but keeping on till what I did was called skating. We came back home famished. And Jesus supplied a delicious quickly-prepared meal and great company. 
Even now though, it's a bit difficult to feel like Christmas and I'm wondering what else to do. It's as if I had a Christmas-spirit suit that I set aside and take out to wear during the season. And I've certainly been putting it on and off these days -on when I'm giving and off when I'm in a bad mood. It seems that way to me. 
However, this approach to Christmas is really human, I feel. 
And while I am human, Jesus lives in my heart so that makes me sure that if there's something that I'm missing, which I am, He knows and can tell me about it. 
So I sat here to ask, and my Jesus answered me:

Sweetheart, donning the garment isn't about being in a certain place, doing certain things, thinking certain thoughts, listening to certain music. Wearing My Christmas spirit is never about the world around you, it's about Me who is in you. 
How can you live in Christmas magic today? Think about how to be Me for others. Maybe it's smiling a little bit more, maybe it's being patient with those who exasperate you, maybe it's buying someone a gift, maybe it's offering a kind word or spending long hours with a lone friend. You name it, it's called the art of love. When you love, you automatically let Christmas' spirit permeate what you do and your whole frame of mind changes, thus you affect the world around you with My special touch. 
Will you let Me flow this Christmas? No need to do something in particular, just remember Who you're carrying inside and do your best to give That love to others. You'll see that places flourish and are touched with love, but the one who's most blessed is you: the giver and partaker of My love. 

Jesus, thank you for your answers! I think I get lost making Christmas, when in reality Christmas already is, and the joy is found when handing others a little bit of Christmas wrapped up in a sincere act of love. Thank you for being the babe we celebrate, the King we honor, the God we praise. You coming to Earth is the reason why I have life and have it in abundance. You're the reason why our closeness is real and not something reserved for a single priest who can walk into your presence once a year! You made yourself reachable to everyone, to me! You came to Earth on Christmas to live for love and to die for love so that we can live and love forever, so that nothing can separate us from your love. 

"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture. ... None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." (Romans 8:31-39)

He's embraced us and we're His, forever! 

The story He writes

He told me "Why do you worry about the story that is already written?"
"Jesus, what if I don't like the story? What if my worst fears take place in that story?!"
"Don't I make all things beautiful in their time? Your story is no exception, the story of your family is no exception. I'm using it, what right now you cringe over, I will use to bring greater things. Think of it as a lion's den. Trust Me."
And it's a real battle to not give in to fear. Yet, He said the lion's den? What happened after Daniel came out of the lion's den?

I heard that story so many times as a kid. The King was aghast when Daniel came out of the lion's den alive and whole. He told Daniel "Truly your God is the living God" and he commanded his entire empire to worship the God of Daniel, who had saved him. That time in the lion's den, with the fear of maybe being eaten by beasts, is simply not worth comparing with what God was planning after that. 
Maybe the lions in your den seem like they're gonna eat you, like I sometimes worry in my own story, but God will bring us out and do extraordinary things as we surrender to what He has penned and planed since the beginning of time. 
Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for being the best writer ever! All those books that fascinate us, book-lovers, have stories that are left in the dust compared to the love, wisdom, power and beauty you put into our stories. Thank you for being so good!

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:16 (NIV)

The Oil Lamp

A little tea pot with water and cinnamon sticks was on the stove. My cinnamon tea in the making,  I looked at the boiling water with the intention of turning it off so I could go upstairs and spend some time in God's Word. The time I gave Him in the morning ended very quickly. I had different things to do which occupied my time and now I was here, thinking and thanking Him for the things yet to do. 
I was about to turn the stove off when He stopped me.
"Wait. What do you see there?"
"A flame..."
"What does it tell you?"
"Hummmm? What does it tell me? -stares- ...Source! The flame has a source, the gas burns!"
"Let Me be your source." He answered. "Let Me be the one that burns, because if you try to do it, you'll burn out."
I stared on, taking it in.
I remembered that letter from grandpa, talking about a lamp -one of those old ones- with wicks and oil. He wrote:

"We need to learn to save the first place in our hearts and lives and time for Jesus. We belong to Him first of all, and the first place must belong to Him-for rest and prayer and fellowship with Jesus, and for feeding from His Word. We cannot do the Master’s work without the Master’s power-and to get it, we must spend time with the Master. Then we must let Him do the work through us. Many people give their needs and problems to the Lord in prayer, but then turn around and try to meet those needs and solve those problems on their own, without depending on the Lord to work on their behalf.
        We ought to take a lesson from the oil lamp: It must be the oil that burns and not the wick, for if the wick burns without oil, it will destroy itself. We must immerse ourselves in Jesus and let Him burn to light the way, because if we try to do that ourselves, we’ll soon burn out.
        So stop trying to do the work yourself, and let God do it. Let go and let God!

The flame of the lamp burns so beautifully and brightly and clearly when the oil burns, but it gets smoky and stinky when just the wick burns. The lamp’s wick must be deeply immersed in the oil. Most of the wick is in the oil, and only a tiny tip of it is exposed to the air and the flame. That way, it’s mostly oil that burns and very little of the wick-almost none. The oil flows freely through a wick that is deeply soaked in the oil. Then it is the oil that burns and not the wick, and it gives bright, pure, clear light.
“It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). It is not I that burn, but Christ must burn within me. You can be a beautiful wick, but you’ll burn black with too little oil. You must soak yourself in the oil, so you burn not, but He burns through you. Then you’ll give pure light, smokeless light, clear light, beautiful light to all that are in the house (Matthew 5:15-16).
When I was a boy, they had beautiful kerosene lamps in every home, on every table. They had lovely glass bowls for the oil, so you could see their wicks and the level of the oil and knew when to replenish them. The lamp burned best when full of oil. When the level got low, too much of the wick would be out of the oil for the wick to be thoroughly soaked. Then the wick itself would begin to burn faster, and the lamp would give off smoke. We sometimes try too hard, work too hard, and try to do everything ourselves. To paraphrase the chorus of an old Gospel song:

Let go and let God have His wonderful way,
Let go and let God have His way.
He’ll fill with His Spirit and burn day by day.
Let go and let God have His way!

Most people don’t know much about oil lamps anymore, but something that everyone can relate to is a water faucet. When you turn on a faucet, is the faucet “working”? No, it’s not! The faucet is doing nothing. It’s pressure behind the water that causes it to flow through the faucet. All you do is turn the handle on the faucet, and the water flows out with effortless ease. The faucet is just the channel, just a hole, to let the water out. You say the faucet’s working? The faucet is not working. It’s the water pressure that is doing the work. The faucet is just letting it flow. The power isn’t in the faucet; the power comes from the gravity feed or pump. The pump or the weight of the water in a tank creates pressure in the water pipe, so all you have to do is turn the tap to release it, and out it flows. You’re like the faucet; the Lord is the water pressure. Just open the faucet and let it flow!
So stop trying to do the work yourself, and let God do it. Let go and let God! Just let the Lord through. Let the oil burn. Let the water flow. Let the Lord do it!"

Grandpa, 

The Oil Lamp

Something awesome is that a new friend gave Kevin and I a beautiful mug, large, olive green and with brown letters that say "Let Go, and Let God", precisely! Kevin let me keep it and now I'm thinking that mugs with such notes to drink in daily are the best presents!

Recipe to help perfectionists: Just praise!

Written by Ann Voskamp

“You’ve gotten over that nasty spell of perfectionism?”

I’m surprised too.

“I guess it’s just coming to realize…” I lean back into him and I didn’t know the words until they slipped out true,

“God doesn’t ask me to be perfect; He asks me to praise.”

I don’t have to have smudgeless windows and empty laundry baskets and gleamy toilet bowls! I don’t have to have a perfect life, all problems solved! I think I hear the Hallelujah chorus!

I simply need to have a grateful heart to give Him glory.

Gratitude in all things is the only thing God asks.

 ~

So the recipe for my malady simply is to praise. 
I left my lunch in the kitchen table when I ran out the door, but thank you Jesus for money in my wallet to buy something nice to eat. 
I coughed on my way to school, thank you Jesus that it's just a temporary cold! 
I found out I had forgotten a writing assignment that I had taken a long time to write, thank you Jesus that I had the draft in my notebook and the rest in my head, and time between classes to write it again.
Third thing forgotten, a presentation for my history class! Jesus thank you for reminding me early in the morning and supplying the means and time to prepare it! You're so sweet, Jesus! 
Thank you for kind teachers, for hugs given with our faces apart 'cause I have a cold, and people's smiles shared on the hallway. 
Thank you Jesus for your Word and for the books piled on my night table. As well as all those crazy beautiful crystal rain drops shining on pine trees that I saw today.
I love you, Jesus.
Thank you for making me imperfect, yet I'm your beloved, beautiful bride. 

The timeless treasure

I think back on the week and wonder what I did and it's like I look at my hands and don't have much to show for it. "What did I do with my time?" I question myself. 

I review the week's happenings, straining to remember where time went. Conferences, a free day, a seemingly useless morning in school, English classes, going to church. I feel anxious at the thought of not having done more with all the unusual free time I had this week. And I wonder how I'll be able to fit in new projects this month if I don't even know where my free time went this week...

My stomach feels uneasy. 

"You gave time to others", it startles me. "Did I...?"

"More than usual"

I start feeling comforted as flashes of time spent talking, connecting with, and writing people and loved ones cross my mind. I watched TV with my dad, it was just a half hour, but I hadn't done that for that long in ages. My sister and I talked in the kitchen. My English students and I spent an extra half hour together talking and snacking on chips. I gave of myself in a new place too, this week. I don't watch movies often because I think of my to-do list and feel I don't have the time...but this weekend I watched a wonderful movie titled "Courageous", and mom and I cried together. Concerning someone, I didn't even think I had any forgiving to do but not only did I realize it, I made a huge leap in forgiving them. 

Surely there are many things I wish I had done this week. But I think it's important to realize that not everything that counts can be counted. 

Time will never come to knock on my doorstep and say "I'm here!" So perhaps what I need to do in weeks like this, every day really, is to thank God for my health and capability to do what I did do, my lessons on work ethic learned from the time I didn't spend right, and thank Him for the precious, priceless  time spent connecting with my loved ones. And thank Him that He helped me to not trade that treasure for a minuscule accomplishment or gain that I can't take with me to eternity. 

Thank you, Jesus. 

To all of you, beautiful sisters out there

I want to share this, something about your beauty.

"In the beginning, our God spoke beauty because He is Beauty and the God of the Bible is an artist and what you must never forget is that you are His art. Touch your face right now and feel what you really are, what His Son whispers, “My masterpiece worth dying for, my beauty worth redeeming." -Ann Voskamp

I just wanted to remind you how beautiful you are. But most of all, your love (the Creator) wants you to know.