We are fragile, but He is not

I just read "What do if you wake up feeling fragile", a short article by John Piper. Don't you feel this way sometimes? I didn't wake up this way today but felt like that some minutes ago. This is for me, but maybe it's for you too.

There are mornings when I wake up feeling fragile. Vulnerable. It’s often vague. No single threat. No one weakness. Just an amorphous sense that something is going to go wrong and I will be responsible. ...
Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run to a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise.
Here’s an example. This is recent. I woke up feeling emotionally fragile. Weak. Vulnerable. I prayed: “Lord help me. I’m not even sure how to pray.”
An hour later I was reading in Zechariah, seeking the help I had cried out for. It came. The prophet heard great news from an angel about Jerusalem:
Jerusalem shall be inhabited as villages without walls, because of the multitude of people and livestock in it. And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst. (Zechariah 2:4–5)
There will be such prosperity and growth for the people of God that Jerusalem will not be able to be walled in any more. “The multitude of people and livestock” will be so many that Jerusalem will be like many villages spreading out across the land without walls.
But walls are necessary! They are the security against lawless hordes and enemy armies. Villages are fragile, weak, vulnerable. Prosperity is nice, but what about protection?
To which God says in Zechariah 2:5, “I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord.” Yes. That’s it. That is the promise. The “I will” of God. That is what I need. And if it is true for the vulnerable villages of Jerusalem, it is true for me a child of God. God will be a “wall of fire all around me.” Yes. He will. He has been. And he will be.
And it gets better. Inside that fiery wall of protection he says, “And I will be the glory in her midst.” God is never content to give us the protection of his fire; he will give us pleasure of his presence.
This was sweet to me. This carried me for days. ...
This has been my deliverance every time since I was first marking my King James Bible at age 15. God has rescued me with cries for help and concrete promises. This time he said: “I will be to her a wall of fire all around, and I will be the glory in her midst.”
Cry out to him. Then ransack the Bible for his appointed promise. We are fragile. But he is not.

The list

I held a list of things to do for Jesus and was so excited because I knew they'd make Him very happy! Only one day passed by and I had added more things to the list, "there's WORLDS of things to do for Him!" Another day passed by, and more were added.  Soon ... I dreaded the list. 

I wanted to do what was in it, with all my heart. But it was just so long that even starting was disheartening. "One at a time" I'd tell myself but, "What is one thing in an infinite list? How can that make a difference?" I retorted. "I'll do it anyway. It's for Him" 

Then He caught me in my busy thinking, planning, wondering how on Earth I'll be able to do even a few of those things on top of everything else.

"Oh, hi", my words seemed awkward. He was bold, confident, the God-Man I love...and so tender. He told me that living for Him is not about how much I can do for Him but about being with Him. He silenced my heart.

I pray that these words in His mouth keep changing me, my thinking, my actions so that in the end I know that I fought, not to do everything I wanted to do, but just that One thing. The one that's needful (Luke 10:42).

Forget about the looks of it

I need to stop worrying about the appearance of my tree, about what people will think of it. And I need to start caring more about lovingly rooting myself in Your ground, soaking in Your soil, absorbing Your essence, going deeper and deeper and forgetting about what's out there for all to see. Because I'm busy going deeper, and deeper. In the dark, where no one sees, where You are, just You and me.

"Jesus showed me that one day", I told my honey one weekend night. And he and I are on the same page. "Sometimes we want it to be this big, leafy, beautiful tree to see....and to show off, but Jesus knows that it's the unseen by others, where our heart is, that counts." "Yes!" I answered, and on we talked into the night. 

These 2012 days

Jesus, thank you for these 365 days you gave me, all heavily laden with gifts! They overflow! Some days stand out more than others, but each was a gift planned in love. Thank you.

Thank you for those first minutes of 2012 which Kevin and I spent praying for each other through a Skype call.

Thank you for the renewing, fun days I spent at the beach with Sandy and her family, with a couple of veteran missionaries as our hosts.

Thank you for each hour I spent in my classroom and in conference halls with my classmates and teachers, discussing, working, learning. Thank you that I will never stop learning a language, about translating or how to teach a foreign tongue. Thank you that through Your power this always gets better! Thank you that at the end of 2012 it’s been 2 years and a half of study and preparation for the work to come, with a year and a half left.

Thank you for the missionary events that I was able to attend this year, first for Easter in Puerto Vallarta and later for the Cervantino festival in Guanajuato. Thank you for every person who was touched by your love in some way, thank you for the camaraderie among the attendees, friends that I admire. And thank you so much for putting my best mate at my side, my sweetheart, uniting us to share Your light, loving us through each other, and giving us unforgettable experiences together.

Thank you for the days when I lost sight of why I was doing what I was doing and how you never failed to give me the answers I needed as I ran to you.

Thank you for the days when you opened me up and poured your healing balm upon the corners of my heart that needed it, washing much away. 

Thank you for the days that had experiences in them that made me discover a lot more about myself, the good and the bad. Even if I do gulp, thank you for helping me to talk face to face with the ugly side of me that I rather hide. 

Thank you for each day of living with my family, who've seen the best and the worst of me and love me heaps. Thank you that through them you teach me to love more. Thank you for blessing me with their presence, and thank you for the spice their different personalities bring to my life...as well as different moods -chuckles-

Thank you for the days that felt really ordinary, just my routine. But like what Christmas got me thinking..."Weren’t the most glorious songs heard by men and sung to announce the King’s birth, somewhat routine-like? If we looked at a song in a very cold way, don’t things have to be present twice, thrice, more times to sound melodious? Jesus is making a song out of our routine days that will surprise us!" Mostly because we're not expecting anything grand from a string of routine days, but thank you so much for using ordinary things to make something beautiful. 

My life wouldn't be what it is today if it weren't for these days. Thank you for working behind the scenes, thank you for sending your angels to aid me, encourage me, move me forward. Thank you for coming to me and letting me know how crazy you are about me. 

Thank you for the days I had a cough or a stomach ache and the tons of days you kept me healthy and well. 

Thank you for the times you gave me the desires of my heart, like those two amazing months with Kevin. And thank you for the times I felt as if I didn't have enough air and fought back tears because you were doing the opposite of what my heart wished for, apparently. And I say apparently because I know you care too much for my desires to do anything without considering them, so thank you for looking beyond them to what was really necessary and best for my life. 

Thank you for the days I felt alone and friendless. Thank you for how you never failed to remind me of what a great Friend I have in you, more than that really, and the many friends and loved ones I actually have. Thank you for helping me see who I had around me instead of who I didn't. Thank you for how this brought me closer to You.

Thank you for providing my loved ones and I with everything we've needed. Thank you for the days in which I worked, because you put the people and the means in place, and was able to have funds to contribute to things and funds to keep. Thank you for owning the cattle on a thousand hills! This world belongs to You! I belong to You! 

Thank you for the family reunion I had and the one Kevin had. Thank you for taking my family all the way to the south of the country and bringing Kevin's family members from across the globe for Christmastime. 

Thank you for giving me every second, every moment, every breath of this past year and for spending it with me. I love you Emmanuel! God with us. Thank you for surely being with me always, even unto the end of the world (Matthew 28:20)