Second things -My God is not a withholder

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly 

dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do 

now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the 

expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving 

towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly 

dearest at all. When first things are put first, second 

things are not suppressed but increased."

C.S. Lewis

As I walked home after teaching a class, John Piper spoke through my earphones, reading the quote by C.S. Lewis written above. I found it so fascinating! So well-put, so wisely said. 

I think like everyone, I have problems putting God on the throne in my heart and not letting anything else take his place, be it my darling Kevin, myself, my family, my career or dreams. The reason I think the words are so perfectly stated is that often I confuse the priority that these other things must have in my life. Second, right? For God must be first. But I need my heart to remember that it doesn't mean He is a withholder, as much as the Tempter wants to draw the old trick from the garden. 

Yes, my King is jealous for my heart, zealous to guard it all for Himself. Yet my total surrender to His reign for my affections doesn't steal precious things from me but rather, purifies them and makes them completely beautiful. Once again, and always, when He's put in first place all else falls into place. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased. I think they become God-glorifying incense! 

To live this way, God the only Fortress

"Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah. For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name. ... So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows." Psalm 61:2-5,8

Uneasy, tired, tense. Situations can sometimes make you feel that way, don't you agree? I memorized this passage because I thought how amazing it is for God to lead me to a rock that's higher than me. Exactly what I want and need!, I thought.

"FOR GOD alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation. He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be greatly moved." Psalm 62:1-2

Did you notice the part of "God alone"? It took me a little while. And then the psalmist says, "He only..."! He only is those great things I need and look for in life every day: security, safety, strength, wholeness. And I'm struggling to feel at ease, to be strong, to feel secure and safe instead of insecure and uncertain and while this is going on, God tells me: "Steph, you can only find these things in Me. And you have Me. You don't need to wait for anything to take them now."
So, I can wait in silence and not in worry, knowing that my wholeness, my salvation comes from Him -and I have Him! He only is my Rock, my security, my strength. He only is my Salvation, my Defense. How about having God defending me? Nothing will overcome me for He has overcome the world! And He only is my Fortress, I won't be greatly moved. You know I'm dust. You know that in my humanness I fall, my heart can falter, my mind can worriedly run,  my body can be tired. But even taking all of that into account, I won't be greatly moved if You are my Only Fortress.
Please, Jesus, Papa, make Yourself my only Refuge, my only Rock, my only Fortress. Teach me what it's like to live this way.

Guess what, my soul? You have God! The Rock, the Fortress, the Refuge -the Only one!

The embodiment of love

What is it that I love the best about you?

There's no way I can pick.

All of you makes my heart tick.

The more I think about you, 

the more I realize I can't live with pieces of you.

I want all of you! I need all of you!

I dreamed of your eyes in your smile,

Total acceptance and love I see.

And how I love to see that you love me.

There I can, in those eyes 

that hold my gaze

and leave me amazed at a love so great.

How could I love without your lips?

The richness of love pours out from them!

Your tingling kisses, 

your words of desire I can hardly believe,

and the torrent of sweetness and power

you have in your lips.

I want all of you! I need all of you!

From head to toe.

Your feet, they're wondrous.

They walk on water 

and invite me to follow.

Your footprints I need. Thanks for your feet!

Oh, your hands! They assure, caress, hold.

They lift me up, protect, remind

that you know what it is to be human

and you payed the price 

for me to be forever with you. 

In all of your glory, 

your reign of the universe 

and lordship over all things

You make yourself my prize.

How small I am! Insignificant better said.

Yet so greatly loved by Love Himself.

Who knows how to count your mercies? 

Who knows how to sing you praise?

Who knows how to worship you as you deserve?

Not any human, not any angel.

But we try anyway, because aghast you leave us, God.

Aghast at your love.

And your hair, it blows with the wind.

It smells like freedom! And when you're with me, 

you leave your aroma with me.

It's so human and divine at the same time.

Thank you for being, fully human, fully God.

I cannot comprehend all that it's done for me.

Jesus, I love your arms. Strong, large, cozy.

You guard and protect me.

And your hugs are the best thing.

If I should remember anything 

every day that I live, is that 

I live by your hugs and live for your smile!

Thank you for your legs. Your lap is perfect.

Thank you for your shoulders. They're a dream!

Thank you for your chest. It's what I need.

Thank you for your nose that snuggles me.

Thank you for your ears that listen to me.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for each part of you!

Joy today

I’ve written before about grace today. But “joy today” just might save my life.

I’m living a chapter in my life in which God has made me feel that it’s autumn because I gotta let go of many things. Sometimes I feel it’s a good thing to be pruned by the wind, like the autumn leaves. But another side of me cringes because: What will I have to give up? Will I make it out alive? And then comes winter, what will I do then?

The autumn colors are glorious but the crisp cold air of change has been making me shiver these past two days. Fear of the unknown has been enveloping my mind, causing me to think things I’m embarrassed of. I’m afraid of the future and how I’ll fare in it. I’m afraid of not making the right choices. I’m afraid of moving away from people that I love dearly. I’m afraid of new things and of not being able to manage them.

Last night a red nose nestled my pillow and a bit of tears still flowed. I cried out silently. And as I warmed myself under my blankets, the words “Perfect love casts out fear” rang in my head. They’re from 1 John 4:18. And I could almost hear God tell me “hide in my love” after I had just said “I want to hide in a cabin forever!”

This morning I was translating a message by John Piper for my mom. And at some point I clicked on another message I had never read and found something perfect. Piper is talking about using acronyms to help him remember what he ought to. This is his description of one:

AIMS: For Christ-consciousness Throughout the Day

This is what I need all day long. Reminders of massive truth. If my mind is empty or worldly, my faith languishes. My joy in Christ weakens. I need truth. “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

My mind needs glory: “Set your minds on things that are above” (Colossians 3:2). I need to think on excellent praiseworthy reality: “If there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8). But my mind drifts into banal and trivial things. And my soul shrivels.

What shall I do? I “will call to mind” amazing things about God (Lamentations 3:21). I will “remember” his all-gracious covenant (1 Chronicles 16:15). I will set my mind on “the things of the Spirit” (Romans 8:5). I will “consider his wondrous works” (Psalm 106:7).

How? Among other ways, with AIMS. Through the day I will pause and ask, What are your AIMS? And I will answer:

A Alive. I will call to mind the stupendous truth that Jesus is alive. (Luke 24:5–6)

“Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen.”

I In. I will remember the breathtaking reality that Jesus is in me. (Romans 8:10).

“Christ is in you.”

M Mighty. I will ponder the all-comforting fact that Jesus is mighty. (Matthew 28:18).

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.”

S Satisfying. And I will savor the sweetness that Jesus is satisfying. (John 6:35)

“Whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”

(Taken from Desiring God Ministries, found in "Santification in the Every-day life")

I’m imagining what will occur in me if I know and remember not just that Jesus is alive but that He is in me and He is mighty and He is satisfying. What a life I’d live! Definitely devoid of fear because while fear is human, He has not given me a spirit of fear for I have become his adopted daughter. Look at this awesome verse:

"For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father" (Romans 8:15).

His children shouldn’t be afraid of anything. He’s the boss of the Universe and all things! Could it be then, that I am really afraid, not because He’s not in control, but because I question His love for me? I think so. And the rest of the "perfect love" verse tells me so: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4:18).

While His love may prune me and send winds and storms to shake me, His love makes me strong. While in His love He may hurt me, like he wounded Aravis’ back in The Horse and His boy, He knows what is best for me and why He does it. He knows what I need to learn, where I need to go, with whom it’d be best that I get there and He doesn’t want me to be afraid. He comes to comfort me!

I just reread The Horse and His boy and if you haven’t read that book of the Chronicles of Narnia, then this might be quite unclear. I’d love for you to read it. If you love Jesus or wonder if God is real and about His dealings with your life, seeing He is God, that book is a beautiful and fun way to help us grasp the fact that God gives and He takes away, God blesses us and gives us hardship. He does both in love.

And so why does joy today save my life?  Because today I remembered, as I prayed through that acronym and my mind could see sunlight, that God doesn’t leave the key to tomorrow’s joy in today. If I’m fretfully looking for it today (which is all I could do, I can’t go to tomorrow yet), I won’t find it. What is in today is today’s key for joy.

So maybe I can be very afraid about the future, about how I’ll fare then, if I’ll be happy with my choices. But I can only know that true Joy is found in Jesus and He only gives tomorrow’s joy key tomorrow. But He has promised to give me today’s joy key today.

All in all, I hope reading this has helped you a little in dealing with fear, finding joy and remembering that He who is in you is alive, mighty and satisfying. Let’s swim in His love, as autumn leaves fall. 

His house

I'm so excited about a treasure I found right after writing the post below, "Oh, how I long to feel accomplished!" Check it out, it's 2 Corinthians 5:1
"For we know that if the earthly house of our tabernacle be dissolved, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal, in the heavens."
It makes me think of the reality of earthly things vanishing away. All worldly things will lose their value, will be destroyed. And what if the house I devote my life to build is made with such materials, the kind that are dissolved? It's meaningless, like the Wise one from Ecclesiastes cries out.
And I love the verse before that one.
"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 I think that sums it up.
But I can't help but go back to the first verse I quoted. The house, it's a building from God, not made with hands, eternal, in the heavens.
Yes, isn't it all a work of His grace? We'll get to Heaven not cause we deserve it, but because Jesus paid for it. God will reward all we did for Him, yet isn't it He who "works in us to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose?" Philippians 2:13 And yet we get to call His House, Home. What's a greater thrill than that?

"And I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever." Pslams 23:6

What does gratitude mean for me today?

I sat on the bed waiting. I ended up putting my legs against the wall, just for fun, and thanked Him. So much has happened and it has all been directly thanks to God. So much beauty, fun and things I had been hoping and praying to do have happened, are happening or are in the verge of happening. And Jesus is the reason behind it all! The only thing that saddens me is that I don't always realize and live like it.

This rainy day, I read a post by Peter Amsterdam on gratitude. It has made me think how I lack a passionate and deep cry of thanks to Jesus, as well as consistent sincere thank you's for the everyday wonder of living life, for this particular day and stage of my life. Giving thanks to the Maker is part of really living. I know it! I've experienced, yet why don't I do it always?

The truth is I don't deserve it, yet I'm guilty every day of taking it for granted. "Oh yes, I'm just engaged to the most awesome guy in the world." "Ah yes, I get to see amazing things take place in my best friend's lives, and I get to share some of life's greatest joys with them, in person...and be there for their sorrows" "Um, of course I can move everything in my body and enjoy great health, I'm young!" 

See what I mean by taking things for granted? What comforts me is that the more I reflect on my attitude of late and the more I dwell on all that I have to say thank you to God for, I just become more grateful by the minute. Thank God!

Finding myself taking things for granted made me imagine how I'd feel if everything was all gone, ALL... and then I got it back again! That's gratitude! That's a tight, earnest hug for God, who gives it all. 

The District of Columbia police auctioned off about 100 unclaimed bicycles Friday. “One dollar,” said the 11-year-old boy who was bidding on the opening bid for the first bike. The bidding, however, went much higher. “One dollar,” the boy repeated hopefully each time another bike came up.

The auctioneer, who had been auctioning the stolen bikes for 43 years, noticed that the boy’s hopes seemed to soar whenever a racer-type bike was put up.

Then there was just one racer left. The bidding went to eight dollars.

“Sold to that boy over there for nine dollars!” said the auctioneer. He took eight dollars out of his own pocket and he asked the boy for his one dollar. The youngster, he turned over his money in pennies, and nickels, and dimes, and quarters, and he took the bike, and started to leave. But he only went a few feet. And carefully parking his possession, he went back, and gratefully threw his arms around the auctioneer’s neck, and he cried.

We should ask ourselves, “When was the last time I felt gratitude as deeply as this boy?”

Thomas S. Monson, “Think to Thank,” Ensign, Nov. 1998, 18.

I'm sure you have something precious, priceless, meaningful to thank God for today.

Open my eyes

Open my eyes.
Because if you open my eyes, I can see Your reality.
I'll be able to see what's indispensable, what's important and umimportant. And will be able to devote my life to the indispensable, loving you ardently and in complete abandon.
Open my eyes because then they'll let me see that it's not worth living for anything less than love, and that Your plans are worth giving anything for.
With eyes open, I'll be able to really trust you like a little child, cause I'll be able to see You for who you really are: Love.
Please open my eyes every day so that little by little I can live in this state of awareness of You. I just ask to see You. Cause if I can see You then I can see everything that matters seeing. Not the future, not even Your plans, just You who has me so crazily in love with Him and to whom I owe all things to. And my, it's crazy, you are nuts about me!
And so I believe that if I can see You a little more each day my life will never be the same and I will experience what it truly means to live, living as true lovers do: exploring and discovering something new about their Beloved each and every day.
I love you, Jesus.
I need you to help me see. I'm human and humans can't see like this on their own. Yet your love is all-powerful, and I know that truly I'm asking it to do what you can't deny yourself, to be yourself, Love. You're dying for me to see.

Darkness into light

I’ve found a refuge from life’s cares in Jesus,

I’m hiding in His love divine;

He fully understands my soul’s deep longing,

And He whispers softly, “Thou art Mine.”

Only Jesus! Only Jesus!

Only He can satisfy;

Every burden becomes a blessing,

When I know my Lord is nigh.

I’ve found a precious joy in knowing Jesus,

Never dreamed of in this world of woe;

No clouds, however dark, can dim the radiance

Of the heavenly light He doth bestow.

I’ve found a blessed hope divine in Jesus,

’Tis a Day Star ever shining bright;

It fills my earthly way with heavenly glory,

And it turns life’s darkness into light.

"Be joyful always"

I was lying in bed, reading a great book by Stormie Omartian titled: “Praying God’s will for your life”.
In it, I read “Be joyful always” (Thessalonians 5:16). Those words danced in front of me. As I thought about them, I smiled and started thanking and praising Jesus for how He makes me smile and causes me to sing and puts light in my eyes even in the midst of very trying circumstances! Who else can do that?!
I then looked over to my colorful quote box, I put my hand in and you won’t imagine what I found! It said:

“Do you know that I see every tear, I feel every heartache, I understand every trial? I understand it all, and I have the antidote too. So please don’t hesitate to tell Me whenever you feel a bit down, okay? I will send whatever will fill the void, and relieve that little trial or ache or unpleasant feeling –for it is My desire that you are happy each and every day. –Jesus”

Wow! I know He loves me but He makes me stand and stare in awe every time He lets me know once more!
Not only is He with us through all of life’s trials, but He gives us peace in the middle of the storm. When my heart could break into a million pieces it’s only Him who holds it together and helps me to believe that everything is in His hands and that He will work things out for our greater good. On top of that He goes out of His way to make me happy throughout the day. He always does so, it’s just that many times I fail to notice.

While thinking about this, I remembered that talking to Kevin last night my mom came over and told him: “It’s so good to see you smiling and happy!” To which Kevin responded with another of his adoring huge smiles and said: “There isn’t a reason to not be happy!”
Now mind you, Kevin was coming out of a fever right then and his nose was clogged. He can’t walk for the time being and has just been able to use his arm again after wearing a cast for 2 months. He’s away from his friends, he’s cooped up in his room, he can’t go out to work or help around the house like he usually does; and being the helpful, outdoor, people person, go-getter that he is, this would make it especially difficult and would be reason enough to wear a frown. But instead, Kevin chooses to smile, to be joyful always. He chooses to look at the fact that he’s with his parents and younger brother, he has true friends and loved ones who love him loads and are praying for him, he’s making the most of his time by pressing in on school. And he’s garnering riches and treasures from the cave of this experience that he knows he probably wouldn’t gain any other way. He walks with a happy tune playing in his heart, which then comes out of his lips and encourages many. He encourages me tremendously!

“Be joyful always” yes, Jesus tells us to be so but He never asks us to do anything alone.
It’s amazing that He gives us every reason possible to be happy and grateful. Feel your heartbeat for a few seconds. It’s rhythmic and beautiful. I’m sure you can have many other things to be joyful about. Jesus says that He loves you and has a grand purpose for your life. He says He’ll help you fulfill your dreams. And He won’t leave you alone, when everyone else walks out He stays there, as He always has, and gives you the courage to start again.
He doesn't just give us strength through the joy of the Lord, but He gives us the strength to be joyful always.

"The joy of the Lord is your strength." -Nehemiah 8:10

Clay

Jesus, I'm your clay. Take me and make something beautiful out of me, whatever you wish and in whatever way you wish to do it. I trust you on that. I love you and thank you that I always have you to hold.

"Spirit of the living God,

Fall afresh on me!
Break me, melt me,
Mold me, use me,
Spirit of the loving God,
Fall afresh on me!"
-Daniel Iverson.

Best interests at heart

From Jesus with Love

I have your best interests at heart. Everything that has happened to you, or will yet happen to you, or hasn’t happened to you, has all been according to My plan. You haven’t been forgotten, missed, skipped over, neglected, or any of the terrible lies that the Enemy might whisper to you. You’re right where I want you, and being in the center of My will is what will always bring you the greatest joy.

"Worry about"

In bed I kept thinking: "what if this happens? And then this person does this and the other feels that? No! What did I get into?! Why does this have to be happening?!"

Jesus: There's no need for you to be worrying about that.
I looked startled, thought about it and then asked in a final tone, "Then what should I be worrying about?"
Jesus: Worry that I won't take care of you.
Now I had a confused look. "But what is there to worry about in that?!"
Jesus: Exactly. NOTHING!

There's nothing to worry about.

My smile had grown by the minute and I realized pathetic little me had to stop worrying.
At last!

True love story

"For You knew that Heaven’s touch

On this poor world would mean so much
So You lived and died, and rose to glory
To begin life’s deepest true love story"
-Bonita Hele

The Christmas tree

I felt sheer joy to reflect on this. I realized that these could be my words and felt happier yet to think of all who can say the same! I love you!

"A Christmas tree! What a beautiful sight! But what does it mean to me? I wondered, as I gazed at the Yuletide display before me.
The evergreen tree—it symbolizes Jesus, who lives in my heart for good. He never dies away in the winter of my difficulties, but is always with me.
The star on the tip-top of the tree is like that unforgettable star that lit the way to the first humble home of my Savior two thousand years ago. It also reminds me to always look up, that there’s always a shining star of hope, even in my darkest nights.
The baubles and pretty decorations are the good, happy things that fill my life with spice and delight. I don’t take time as often as I should to thank God for all my blessings, or even for the sad things and the hard times that have made me into the person that I am today. Life wouldn’t be life without both joy and sadness, the good and the bad.
The colorful string of lights reminds me of the things God does to light my way through life. “His Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” I never need feel alone.
And last but not least, the presents under the Christmas tree symbolize my gifts to Jesus. It’s His birthday, after all. The most meaningful gifts are gifts of love—time, friendship, company, giving, forgiveness, and understanding. I give Him gifts each time I give from my heart to others.
The heart of Christmas is not in the presents we give, but the love that we share. This is what makes Christmas."—Amanda White

Radiance

A dear friend wrote this for me. I didn't think it'd come to mean so much and be a pick-up for my heart when I was in such need. Ricky wrote it months before some happenings in my life would give it a lot of meaning. It came to be the arms of love and friendship wrapped around me.

Shine on bright, make a sign
I know you can do it

Hold on tight, forget the pain
You can fly to His arms

Take the change, radiance
We know we'll be strong

So now, it seems like everything is gone
But Tomorrow you'll find your Own
Take a look at the sun, 'Cause there's no storm
We'll keep on going on

Step by step, we'll make the way
And our feet won't feel heavy.
When we get there, you won't repair
your damaged and worn-out clothes.

I know you're eyes are not lying
I wonder How could they lie?
When eyes are just little windows
Where we can see what's going on inside.

One thing I would remember when walking along was: "Take a look at the Sun, 'cause there's no storm." And that was for sure. I had been making storms in my head, wallowing in the negative thoughts I'd get. But with Jesus' sun at my center my world was warm, bright and full of light. I had to stop looking down at the puddles of mud formed by tears and take a look at the sun to see the world for what it really is, mud piles, rocky cliffs, ocean and shine. Thank you for the radiance of your friendship Ricky!

"Dear restless heart"

I hadn't found a poem that fit my life, feelings and needs so perfectly till now.

Dear restless heart, be still; don’t fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.

Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God’s Own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.

Dear restless heart, be brave; don’t moan and sorrow so,
He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.

Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.

Dear restless heart, be still! Don’t struggle to be free;
God’s life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.

—Edith Willis Linn, “Streams in the Desert”

So happy

"You will be so happy you waited and trusted, I promise you." -Jesus

Compass

I don't have a sense of direction, Jesus.
Thanks for being my compass.

The very next morning, as the bus drove me to school half-asleep, I spotted a car which had in its rear the word: c o m p a s s. Made me smile so big it jolted me awake.

Taken care of

Stop right now and look out the window and up into the sky. Remember that if I made the world and all that is therein, I can certainly take care of you, My dearest. -Jesus

Reason for living

Jesus, you're behind every reason I smile.

I love having you as my reason for living, because you never run out, there's no end to you.
In fact your wonders only increase..