Wearing Christmas Spirit

December 22nd, two days till Christmas. My family and I are in Mérida, the city where we lived six years ago and where most of our larger family lives. We've spent four days with our aunts, cousins and grandparents, so much to catch up on. Christmas lights illuminate streets and bridges, buildings and parks. This afternoon we went ice skating in a mall's ice ring, which is quite a feat when being so near the equator. I enjoyed it completely, particularly once I had gotten the hang of it, feeling like I was gonna slip but keeping on till what I did was called skating. We came back home famished. And Jesus supplied a delicious quickly-prepared meal and great company. 
Even now though, it's a bit difficult to feel like Christmas and I'm wondering what else to do. It's as if I had a Christmas-spirit suit that I set aside and take out to wear during the season. And I've certainly been putting it on and off these days -on when I'm giving and off when I'm in a bad mood. It seems that way to me. 
However, this approach to Christmas is really human, I feel. 
And while I am human, Jesus lives in my heart so that makes me sure that if there's something that I'm missing, which I am, He knows and can tell me about it. 
So I sat here to ask, and my Jesus answered me:

Sweetheart, donning the garment isn't about being in a certain place, doing certain things, thinking certain thoughts, listening to certain music. Wearing My Christmas spirit is never about the world around you, it's about Me who is in you. 
How can you live in Christmas magic today? Think about how to be Me for others. Maybe it's smiling a little bit more, maybe it's being patient with those who exasperate you, maybe it's buying someone a gift, maybe it's offering a kind word or spending long hours with a lone friend. You name it, it's called the art of love. When you love, you automatically let Christmas' spirit permeate what you do and your whole frame of mind changes, thus you affect the world around you with My special touch. 
Will you let Me flow this Christmas? No need to do something in particular, just remember Who you're carrying inside and do your best to give That love to others. You'll see that places flourish and are touched with love, but the one who's most blessed is you: the giver and partaker of My love. 

Jesus, thank you for your answers! I think I get lost making Christmas, when in reality Christmas already is, and the joy is found when handing others a little bit of Christmas wrapped up in a sincere act of love. Thank you for being the babe we celebrate, the King we honor, the God we praise. You coming to Earth is the reason why I have life and have it in abundance. You're the reason why our closeness is real and not something reserved for a single priest who can walk into your presence once a year! You made yourself reachable to everyone, to me! You came to Earth on Christmas to live for love and to die for love so that we can live and love forever, so that nothing can separate us from your love. 

"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture. ... None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." (Romans 8:31-39)

He's embraced us and we're His, forever! 

The story He writes

He told me "Why do you worry about the story that is already written?"
"Jesus, what if I don't like the story? What if my worst fears take place in that story?!"
"Don't I make all things beautiful in their time? Your story is no exception, the story of your family is no exception. I'm using it, what right now you cringe over, I will use to bring greater things. Think of it as a lion's den. Trust Me."
And it's a real battle to not give in to fear. Yet, He said the lion's den? What happened after Daniel came out of the lion's den?

I heard that story so many times as a kid. The King was aghast when Daniel came out of the lion's den alive and whole. He told Daniel "Truly your God is the living God" and he commanded his entire empire to worship the God of Daniel, who had saved him. That time in the lion's den, with the fear of maybe being eaten by beasts, is simply not worth comparing with what God was planning after that. 
Maybe the lions in your den seem like they're gonna eat you, like I sometimes worry in my own story, but God will bring us out and do extraordinary things as we surrender to what He has penned and planed since the beginning of time. 
Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for being the best writer ever! All those books that fascinate us, book-lovers, have stories that are left in the dust compared to the love, wisdom, power and beauty you put into our stories. Thank you for being so good!

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:16 (NIV)

The Oil Lamp

A little tea pot with water and cinnamon sticks was on the stove. My cinnamon tea in the making,  I looked at the boiling water with the intention of turning it off so I could go upstairs and spend some time in God's Word. The time I gave Him in the morning ended very quickly. I had different things to do which occupied my time and now I was here, thinking and thanking Him for the things yet to do. 
I was about to turn the stove off when He stopped me.
"Wait. What do you see there?"
"A flame..."
"What does it tell you?"
"Hummmm? What does it tell me? -stares- ...Source! The flame has a source, the gas burns!"
"Let Me be your source." He answered. "Let Me be the one that burns, because if you try to do it, you'll burn out."
I stared on, taking it in.
I remembered that letter from grandpa, talking about a lamp -one of those old ones- with wicks and oil. He wrote:

"We need to learn to save the first place in our hearts and lives and time for Jesus. We belong to Him first of all, and the first place must belong to Him-for rest and prayer and fellowship with Jesus, and for feeding from His Word. We cannot do the Master’s work without the Master’s power-and to get it, we must spend time with the Master. Then we must let Him do the work through us. Many people give their needs and problems to the Lord in prayer, but then turn around and try to meet those needs and solve those problems on their own, without depending on the Lord to work on their behalf.
        We ought to take a lesson from the oil lamp: It must be the oil that burns and not the wick, for if the wick burns without oil, it will destroy itself. We must immerse ourselves in Jesus and let Him burn to light the way, because if we try to do that ourselves, we’ll soon burn out.
        So stop trying to do the work yourself, and let God do it. Let go and let God!

The flame of the lamp burns so beautifully and brightly and clearly when the oil burns, but it gets smoky and stinky when just the wick burns. The lamp’s wick must be deeply immersed in the oil. Most of the wick is in the oil, and only a tiny tip of it is exposed to the air and the flame. That way, it’s mostly oil that burns and very little of the wick-almost none. The oil flows freely through a wick that is deeply soaked in the oil. Then it is the oil that burns and not the wick, and it gives bright, pure, clear light.
“It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). It is not I that burn, but Christ must burn within me. You can be a beautiful wick, but you’ll burn black with too little oil. You must soak yourself in the oil, so you burn not, but He burns through you. Then you’ll give pure light, smokeless light, clear light, beautiful light to all that are in the house (Matthew 5:15-16).
When I was a boy, they had beautiful kerosene lamps in every home, on every table. They had lovely glass bowls for the oil, so you could see their wicks and the level of the oil and knew when to replenish them. The lamp burned best when full of oil. When the level got low, too much of the wick would be out of the oil for the wick to be thoroughly soaked. Then the wick itself would begin to burn faster, and the lamp would give off smoke. We sometimes try too hard, work too hard, and try to do everything ourselves. To paraphrase the chorus of an old Gospel song:

Let go and let God have His wonderful way,
Let go and let God have His way.
He’ll fill with His Spirit and burn day by day.
Let go and let God have His way!

Most people don’t know much about oil lamps anymore, but something that everyone can relate to is a water faucet. When you turn on a faucet, is the faucet “working”? No, it’s not! The faucet is doing nothing. It’s pressure behind the water that causes it to flow through the faucet. All you do is turn the handle on the faucet, and the water flows out with effortless ease. The faucet is just the channel, just a hole, to let the water out. You say the faucet’s working? The faucet is not working. It’s the water pressure that is doing the work. The faucet is just letting it flow. The power isn’t in the faucet; the power comes from the gravity feed or pump. The pump or the weight of the water in a tank creates pressure in the water pipe, so all you have to do is turn the tap to release it, and out it flows. You’re like the faucet; the Lord is the water pressure. Just open the faucet and let it flow!
So stop trying to do the work yourself, and let God do it. Let go and let God! Just let the Lord through. Let the oil burn. Let the water flow. Let the Lord do it!"

Grandpa, 

The Oil Lamp

Something awesome is that a new friend gave Kevin and I a beautiful mug, large, olive green and with brown letters that say "Let Go, and Let God", precisely! Kevin let me keep it and now I'm thinking that mugs with such notes to drink in daily are the best presents!

Recipe to help perfectionists: Just praise!

Written by Ann Voskamp

“You’ve gotten over that nasty spell of perfectionism?”

I’m surprised too.

“I guess it’s just coming to realize…” I lean back into him and I didn’t know the words until they slipped out true,

“God doesn’t ask me to be perfect; He asks me to praise.”

I don’t have to have smudgeless windows and empty laundry baskets and gleamy toilet bowls! I don’t have to have a perfect life, all problems solved! I think I hear the Hallelujah chorus!

I simply need to have a grateful heart to give Him glory.

Gratitude in all things is the only thing God asks.

 ~

So the recipe for my malady simply is to praise. 
I left my lunch in the kitchen table when I ran out the door, but thank you Jesus for money in my wallet to buy something nice to eat. 
I coughed on my way to school, thank you Jesus that it's just a temporary cold! 
I found out I had forgotten a writing assignment that I had taken a long time to write, thank you Jesus that I had the draft in my notebook and the rest in my head, and time between classes to write it again.
Third thing forgotten, a presentation for my history class! Jesus thank you for reminding me early in the morning and supplying the means and time to prepare it! You're so sweet, Jesus! 
Thank you for kind teachers, for hugs given with our faces apart 'cause I have a cold, and people's smiles shared on the hallway. 
Thank you Jesus for your Word and for the books piled on my night table. As well as all those crazy beautiful crystal rain drops shining on pine trees that I saw today.
I love you, Jesus.
Thank you for making me imperfect, yet I'm your beloved, beautiful bride. 

The timeless treasure

I think back on the week and wonder what I did and it's like I look at my hands and don't have much to show for it. "What did I do with my time?" I question myself. 

I review the week's happenings, straining to remember where time went. Conferences, a free day, a seemingly useless morning in school, English classes, going to church. I feel anxious at the thought of not having done more with all the unusual free time I had this week. And I wonder how I'll be able to fit in new projects this month if I don't even know where my free time went this week...

My stomach feels uneasy. 

"You gave time to others", it startles me. "Did I...?"

"More than usual"

I start feeling comforted as flashes of time spent talking, connecting with, and writing people and loved ones cross my mind. I watched TV with my dad, it was just a half hour, but I hadn't done that for that long in ages. My sister and I talked in the kitchen. My English students and I spent an extra half hour together talking and snacking on chips. I gave of myself in a new place too, this week. I don't watch movies often because I think of my to-do list and feel I don't have the time...but this weekend I watched a wonderful movie titled "Courageous", and mom and I cried together. Concerning someone, I didn't even think I had any forgiving to do but not only did I realize it, I made a huge leap in forgiving them. 

Surely there are many things I wish I had done this week. But I think it's important to realize that not everything that counts can be counted. 

Time will never come to knock on my doorstep and say "I'm here!" So perhaps what I need to do in weeks like this, every day really, is to thank God for my health and capability to do what I did do, my lessons on work ethic learned from the time I didn't spend right, and thank Him for the precious, priceless  time spent connecting with my loved ones. And thank Him that He helped me to not trade that treasure for a minuscule accomplishment or gain that I can't take with me to eternity. 

Thank you, Jesus. 

To all of you, beautiful sisters out there

I want to share this, something about your beauty.

"In the beginning, our God spoke beauty because He is Beauty and the God of the Bible is an artist and what you must never forget is that you are His art. Touch your face right now and feel what you really are, what His Son whispers, “My masterpiece worth dying for, my beauty worth redeeming." -Ann Voskamp

I just wanted to remind you how beautiful you are. But most of all, your love (the Creator) wants you to know.

Writing again

I have been reading blogs (wonderful ones!), but I haven't been writing as much.
I don't know you, but I read blogs as a breather, to remember that I'm not the only one feeling this or that way, and it's such a reassuring, refreshing feeling. And I'm also enriched by people's stories, particularly when they're daring enough to show who they really are and what they really go through. Those are the people that I love reading!

So now that I look at my blog, I want to make it such a place. I want to write again. And I haven't been writing because my mind says "I don't have time", but my heart says "You have to write." Because when writing my story I know I'll realize things that I hadn't seen before, and when I write little preachings I know that they're for me and that sharing them with you makes me more accountable than if I didn't. I'll remember more. I'll remember His love more because it's present all around me but sometimes I go so fast through life that I fail to notice, writing things down is a way of going slower. And I know there'll be times, I already feel it, when I'll feel like I want to write the world but I can't seem to find enough time. But that's okay, I'll still write as much as I can.

And you know what? My hope is that in these lines, in these scrolling downs you'll find more of God's love in your own life. Because that's honestly what I always want to see; I think that's what determines everything: who we are, how we think, feel, act, what we do and where we end up. To me it's all comes down to what we do about His love. Not how much of it there is 'cause there's an endless supply, rather how much we take in!
I'm confident that His love is what will take me through anything. But when life hits, I freak out and I need His hand to tenderly take me back to that place where I know who I am, who I belong to and who is in control, and He always does it the best way. I don't want to forget what He's done or miss what He's teaching me because I wasn't attentive enough. I want to sing a song to His goodness, yet the one who is healed when singing is... me.

Training

Kevin and I have been enjoying a beautiful vacation so far, funny things have come up, lots of rany days, roars of laughter, long tearful hugs, songs in bed, songs before a birthday-party crowd, and a song in our hearts that draws a great big smile on our faces. But before he came, as I was busying myself with finishing my second year of college, I heared His words clearly:
"All this waiting, isn't waiting, it's training so that you can look into each other's eyes and say 'I love you' in even the hardest of times."
I thought what I've thought many times, but what I had temporarily forgotten: "It IS strengthening our love for each other!" There was silence, the silence of yes, a loving Person's nodding silence. I ran upstairs to write these words while I repeated them in my head as to not forget.
I don't want to forget. I want to embrace it. Every moment! Right now when I'm with him and when I'm not. Because when we're apart, we're both taking care of what God wants us to do at the time, in different places, different things and with different people. And when we're together, nothing is more right and I know that he's the man I want (and will) spend the rest of my life and eternity with.

Sweet Jesus, Thank you for 2011.

A letter to Jesus

As I look back at the pictures that form in my head --all of things that came by this year, that I was a part of, that changed me, that changed others, that made me what I'm today, I feel myself breathing tranquilly by being reassured that you really know what to bring along.

Not everything was peaches and cream this last year, some things were plain ol’ mud and poop. There were times when I questioned your art and skill at writing my life’s story, “You’re ruining everything!” I cried. “Please be careful.” Ah but you knew all along. Thank you for not taking me out of the situation but instead helping me through it. I gained, discovered and learned so many things down that path. And what stands out the most is your love, your tender, deep, abiding, unconditional, caring, saving love. Nothing can save me like you do, nobody can make me feel as loved, secure, accompanied, understood, happy and well as you do. So well! It’s more than the feelings you give me. It’s the faith, the grace, the fulfillment, the power and love that makes it not just worth it all, but make me willing and desirous to do anything to have and keep it!

When I wake up in the morning, it’s for You that I want to be a better person. You give me so many gifts that I want to show you my thankfulness by living a life that makes You proud.

Thank you for everything this year, Jesus. Because the good and the bad, the lovely and the ugly, the joyous and the disheartening all translated into making me feel your love more than ever before.

Thank you for being at the helm of my ship, at the steering wheel in my car. Thank you for being the writer of my story. Thank you for knowing best and for not getting angry at me when I doubt that you do. But instead You call me, take me in your arms, and give me exactly what I need and in the way I need it to help my faith hang in there and believe that you have My best interests at heart. Thank you so much for that.

It’s a fact I couldn’t breathe without You, love without You or be happy without You. So thank you for every breath…an average of 10,541,200 this year? Probably much more, I mean, I did experience lots of exciting things this year, but we'd also have to subtract the moments that took my breath away!

All in all thank you for a well-rounded full year! I have so many things to thank you for!

Thank you for speaking to me.

Thank you for proving to me this year that there is no prayer too small or too big for you, by answering both! (Like when the bus passes by just on time, or when I asked you to bring my parents back together and give them a better marriage than they’ve ever have. It definitely felt like I was asking you to take me to live to Mars)

Thank you for helping me with university, for helping me to learn, to have good grades and to enjoy myself along the way! All of it is thanks to you! Thank you for my scholarship and for my loving parents who support and pay for my studies.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to be part of an awesome team to change lives in particular places and times, while also carrying that spark back to my place and city.

Thank you for the privilege of loving and being loved by the guy who takes my breath away, who’s my partner in crime (bombarding the gates of Hell) and who makes me laugh more than any comedian (he’s not a comedian by the way).

Thank you so much for the time I spent with him this year. I treasure every little second of it! Thank you for making me the lucky girl who gets to love him with all her heart! And who gets to receive his love too! Thank You, Jesus, for being the love we have.

Thank you for bringing new people along my path, that became new friends.

Thank you for bringing me closer to old dear friends.

Thank you for giving me an amazing summer with my girlies.

Thank you for the privilege of seeing my best friend so happy, thank you for being her happiness and thank you for Keith!

Thank you for answering my prayer of giving Esther the right man (I started praying two years ago). She’s in South Africa with him right now.

Thank you for the strength, encouragement, love and help that you gave me through my dear friends!

Thank you for Windy and the inspiration she is to me!

Thank you for each of my friends and how they make me feel loved and appreciated for who I am.

Thank you for teaching me to appreciate life much more, that of others and mine as well. My baby could’ve died falling three stories down; but you protected him mightily and I believe you healed the unthinkable while he lay on the ground.

Thank you for your protection! Thank you for the amazing miracles of healing, supply and strength that you did for Kevin when the accident happened and during the months he spent recovering.

Thank you for mom, dad, Nina and Adrian, their presence, love, funny ways, different personalities and ways of interacting that make life with them interesting, enjoyable and a real learning and tuning experience.

Thank you for Sandy and for experiencing much of life with her!

Thank you for my friends in school.

Thank you for the opportunity to pray with and for people, trust you for the miracles and sometimes get to see them right away!

Thank you for the gift of giving to and hugging the needy.

Thank you for a grand year!

Can you believe it, Jesus? I actually wanna go back as if it were the end of a good movie or gripping book to experience little snippets of it again. Even some of the bad parts because I know that in the end it all turned out great (since the main character is better off and has learned much more and so have the people around her). It's those kinds of parts that bring the climax and make the story deep and meanigful in the end. Thank you, Jesus.

I'm honestly crazy excited that the sequels continues TODAY, 1st of January, 2012.